It's hard to push the wishes away. It's hard, with a body, with a mind which constantly works, with algorythms around, with some things as awful called feelings, to get against something which was supposed to be just as it is.
We are selfish creatures. We are evil creatures. We were supposed to be something which we need to understand as awful now, we are teach to hate ourselves and others who are just like us. It's never about the reward, it's about the punishment. Doing good things means you are making a cake for yourself, making a mistake means you need to hang yourself. It's funny, I love it, sometimes I love the world.